This has been a frustrating morning!
I just spent the last half-hour trying to apply for one goddamn government job.
I had to make a new fucking account.
Which I doubt I'll ever be able to get back to.
I hate it.
I hate them all!
And on that cheery note...
Gods... This is so frustrating. I seriously just want to throw tantrums and hit things and yell at people for not just *finding* me work when it's *their* job to do that.
Which sounds totally unreasonable, even when you consider that I'm working through agencies.God
I'm very frustrated and very angry and I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO FUCKING SETTLE!!!
I've been 'settling' for years, living in unhappy, isolated circumstances, in a situation I fucking despise!
Why the hell should I have to settle for the lousy job and the crappy, overpriced appartment.
Why the hell should I have to sell my beautiful, hand-me-down furniture to live in substandard, too-small housing with a lousy-assed landlord who'll treat me badly and smoke in my house???
I've done that every
fucking time I've lived outside of my wretched mother's wretched control, and it's always
ended up miserable and wrong.
I don't want to do that anymore.
I don't want to settle anymore.
I don't want to take what I can get anymore.
I'm tired as hell of thinking that I'm not worth enough, that I don't deserve something good from the goddamn world.
Why the hell wouldn't I be?
Also: There is an airconditioner directly over my head, and I am cold.
<*puts on shawl*>
See? I could fix that.
<*settles feathers a bit*>
So, I'm pissed off. (Gee, what gave that away...)
And I'm reading The Twelve Wild Swans
(Starhawk) which isn't doing a whole hell of a lot right now, because I started midway through (having started reading it a year ago or more). So I think I need to go back to the beginning on that one.
On the plus side, I've been writing some more poetry.
With intent, no less. They are, for the most part, works in progress. Please feel free to comment and critique. :-)
Behold:( Poetry )
So that's my poetry for today. Two or three for the Selkie collection, and three more for whatever they end up in. :-)
Your help is appreciated. :-)
- Amazon. :-)