Stupid Mysogynist Society

So, I've been thinking. (Shocking, I know).

I was in the bath and randomly got to thinking about Full Quiver Families and the idea that women are supposed to be wives and mothers at home.
Er.
And that's it, apparently.

And this is where my thoughts led me.

See...

If we (for a given value of 'we') are going to recon women's worth by their capacity for (and success at -- for a given definition of 'success', too) motherhood, why would we not be reconing men's worth on the same scale?

Why are we not reconing men's worth based on their capacity for, and success at, fatherhood?

Which led me to:
Well, how are we defining 'capacity for fatherhood'? What kind of language are we using and what sort of images are conjured up by that language?

( Parenting Value and Language )

The other point of the above-ramble is this:

Why are women expected to be either mothers or not-mothers ("Selfish! Bad not-mothers!" - a sentiment which, I suspect, anyone who's childless by choice will have encountered to some degree or other)?

Whereas men are expected to be, well, everything else.
Like: Guys get flack for being deadbeat dads. Yes. And, frankly, they should. Deadbeatness is lousy and nasty, no matter who's doing it.

But: Guys *also* get flack if they *do* take a big heap of time-based interest in their kids' lives. They get flack from the gals who say "you're doing it wrong", "how on earth can he think he knows what he's doing?" and such like. And they get flack from the guys because (for some totally inexplicable reason - for fucks sakes) apparently being a provider of time and interest and care as well as money/stuff, and being the protector and teacher of your own kids and, oh, taking responsibility for one's own virility all, somehow, make one less manly. Quoth I: "What. The Fuck."

Anyway. I will take this opportunity to say: Stupid Mysogynist Society.

Why do I say this having just spent a good paragraph on how guys are getting screwed out of their chance at actual father-hood (as opposed to, say, sire-hood or, like, sperm-and-money-donor-hood, for example)?

( Oh. Do Let Me Explain. )

Um. What?? Excuse me?
Can I not do *anything* right?

Basically, we're screwed no matter what path we take.

Which is what leads me to say, quite freely: Oh, look. We live in a mysogynist society. (Big fucking shock, I know).


The illustrius and brilliant Ami_B has pointed out that it's not just the guys bashing the gals, either. Rather, the gals bash each other just as much.

To quote Inga Muscio:
Chinese women might harbor negative stereotypes about Filipina women, who may not think nice things about Jewish women, who might grow up thinking ill of Moslem women, who may think lesbians are the scourge of the earth, who might think women married to Promise Keepers are the incarnation of evil, who may think teenagers who get abortions should be sentenced to hard labor at juvey. And on and on.[2]

In the same way, proponents of different 'styles' of mothering will bash each other horribly, and the childless-by-choice folks bash the moms-by-choice, and vice versa, and the career-moms bash the stay-at-home-moms, and vice versa, and, and, and.

And it's stupid.

It's really, really stupid.


<*shakes head*>

Anyway.

There's another yammering rant queuing up for my tongue/fingers right now about porn vs erotica vs free-speech, or some approximation thereof, so I think I'll just stop here for now and get my breath back. :-)

- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)


[1]"Just" my fucking ass. Ask anyone who's done it.
[2] Muscio, Inga. 1998. CUNT: a declaration of independence. Seattle: Seal Press. P. 146.