amazon_syren

It snowed in the night, and for most of the morning.
I modeled today.
The milk went off.
When I got home, I dug out the sides (partial) of the raised beds. I did a better job on the annuals bed for a lot of reasons - it's annuals, so it doesn't matter if I mess with root systems, for a start, and also because the annuals bed isn't covered by a canoe, whereas the perennials bed is TOTALLY covered by a canoe. This is intentional. It keeps the canoe off the ground, and it allows the perennials a little bit of extra shelter from the elements. So it's part of the The Plan. But it makes digging things out a bit more difficult.

Anyway.

I bought three books today. New ones, from Chapters.
I bought @Yuki_Ona's The Girl Who Soared Above Fairyland and Cut the Moon in Two. I bought Amanda (Fucking) Palmer's The Art of Asking (which started as a TED Talk, and which is about Using Your Words to actually state what you WANT - not just what you need, but what you want). And I bought Liz' Gilbert's (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) book Big Magic which is about creativity and expansiveness and, equally to the point, about following your curiosity rather than your fear (which I sure as all-get-out need help with).
It's been a self-help kind of day in that regard.

Listening to Delta Rae. Trying to do something with The Novel again, just because I, well... because I can, because I don't actually want to abandon this thing, even if I have no clue how to make it work or get it where I (think I) want it to go. Because I can. So there's that.

Things I want to do today:
Write a bit of Novel
Shave my legs
Make a video
Record 2-3 chapters of Kushiel's Dart for The Archivist
Help The Moderatrix get the last of her stuff moved into her new place (YAY!) and then eat dinner with her (YAY!)

'Kay. Gotta go write. :-)


TTFN,
Amazon.

So a friend of mine is leasing a chunk of NCC farmland on-which she will be gardening, raising broiler chickens, and sharing a goat with another person.
There are multiple farms (in the 10 to 20 acres size-range) available for lease, typically around $1400/month not including utilities and upkeep.
This has got me thinking.
And looking at the available NCC farms.
And trying to sort out exactly what it is I want to be doing with my life.

Yeah, I went there.

I'm 33. I keep hearing (usually in the voice of my mother, but sometimes the voices of random Old White Dudes who are friends of the family, so take that as you will) the words "I'm surprised you never ammounted to more than that". Whatever the hell "that" is.

What do I *want* to be doing?
I *want* to be diligently working away at my weird, not sure where it's going, novel-in-progress. I *want* to be spending four hours a day (so part-time-job territory) growing, harvesting, preserving, and cooking the food my wife and I (and our various guests and phamily/family-members) eat day-to-day. I *want* to have frequent work as a figure model and occasional-but-more-lucretive work as a glamour/fetish model. I *want* to have a lot of time to myself to do these things in, and also to have paid work (like figure modeling, and like much of the stuff I do for RHO) that gets me out of the house and interacting with other human beings of a reasonably regular/frequent basis.

At this point in time, I don't think I'm actually up for the must-have-a-business-plan requirements of running an actual farm. Even a tiny one. Even a hobby one.


What I want to be *having*, then, is rather more like, well, the home I remember from my earliest childhood (except with the option of geothermal heating, photo-voltaic solar pannels, and lots of sky lights for natural lighting): A small house with a lot of good storage space, located on a 1-2 acre (or so) lot that would allow me to grow fruit (and possibly nut) trees, berry bushes, and other perenial foods along with a lot of moderate-intensity vegetable gardening and buckets of herbs and perenials.

Yes, I totally day-dream about an almost little-house-on-the-praries life where my wife and I go so far as to grow our own amaranth and she does coblerry and various other projects out of her workshop and I make our soap and raise our honey and grow most (possibly all) of our non-animal-based food on the land around our rather Scandinavian-looking green-roofed house, and we have a wind-turbine and solar pannels and a high-efficiency wood stove (and possible geothermal heat) and huge south-facing windows and really amazing insulation... and can basically live off the grid, even though that's not what we're doing.

But I'm not up to it at this stage of the game, and I might never be. I don't know. I do know that, when I look at Ghost's parents' 2-acre lot, I know that (a) I want something like that, but also (b) I couldn't handle working more than that size of a place.



It looks like Ghost has (probably) got the Coblery job with the Ceremonial Guard. She has to fix four pairs of boots as a test-run, but things are sounding pretty good and she's got her materials sourced for the current bunch already.
I hope this works.
Even though I know it will mean she is working, basically, 10-hour days - maybe 12-hour days, over the summer, with a far-lighter work-load over the rest of the year - it also means that our combined income is back to where it was in March (or possibly slightly higher) which means that all those things that got taken off the stove, so to speak, indefinitely back at the beginning of April - like (eventual) CSA memberships and home-ownership, plus possible attendance at various Cons over the course of the next few years - are potentially back on their burners.

Which is wonderful and also slightly frightening.


And which is also leading me to wondering "what am I doing with my life" because, honestly, I'm incredibly content being A House Wife who putters and creates and makes a very small financial contribution to the household through a dozen different and ever-shifting channels, but makes a HUGE contribution to our health and well-being (and thrift, if I may be so bold) by knowing how to make things from scratch and grow them from seed.
And there are a lot of reasons having to do with gender and also power-exchange (and also personality - key point) within my marriage, that make this situation something that helps me thrive, rather than a situation that gives me anxiety nightmares.

...And I'm trying to figure out (a) if it's okay to just stick with this, to do this thing that I love and am good at, and fit all this money-making business in around the corners[1], and (b) why the hell I might think it isn't okay to do just that.

Hoy. So that's what's going through my head right now.


TTFN,
Amazon.


[1] Okay. Maybe "in around the corners" isn't exactly the right way to put it. "Multiple income-streams" and "work-life balance" might be the way to put it. But what I mean is having multiple income-streams, few of which are consistent and some of which have "off seasons" (conveniently when the garden will be eating me alive, so hey), but all of-which add up to an extra $6,000-$8,000 per year - which takes a good chunk out of property taxes and annual utilities, even if it won't pay a mortgage.

Hello there! :-D

Today I have:

Planted garlic and nasturtiums today.

Uploaded my first ten recipes. Need to write 10 more and get them uploaded before the 10th, so that I can send in my invoice on time. Then do the same thing again for the next twenty. :-)



In other news:

Radishes and baby lettuce mix are already sprouting (YAY!!!). Cucumber appears to be developing new leaves (YAY!). May need to drag the tomatoes and the pepper into a sunnier spot. :-\ (Totally do-able, but still).

Have been having dizziness for a couple of days. It comes and goes, and is probably related to heat and/or smog. I think I'll be taking the bus to the Market today. (Will be leaving very shortly after posting this).

Modeling gig is at 4pm. Picking up herbs on the way there. Dill, Cilantro, Peppermint, Basil. I think I have enough bowls and pots to put them all in. I *hope* I have enough dirt. :-\



Aaaaaaaaaaaaand Three Links:

1) New post up at Dangerous Women, talking about Paganism and Gardening.

2) The Three Graces (Joel-Peter Witkin's "The Three Graces". New Mexico 1988)

3) Ravenous Romance call for submissions (Angels and Fairies, two anthologies).


Uhm. Yes. I think that's everything. Now to check and make sure I've got bus tickets, and then I'm on my way. :-)


- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)

Also, while in TO, we took a walk through the Church street park to see the AIDS Memorial.

There were only about twelve women's names among hundreds. Despite knowing that mouth/vagina and fingers/vagina sex are classified as "low risk", that still surprised me.

Some of the names weren't legal names. A set of initials. A nickname, like "Davey", written in quotation marks. The kind of names that suggested their families-of-origin has so abandoned them that they wouldn't even acknowledge the ashes.

There were butterflies (black and yellow and orange and brown) amid the roses.

There was a fruit tree hanging low over the stones. It looked like blackberries, but on a tree instead of on cains.

Google suggests that what I saw was a black mulberry tree.

I don't know if it was chosen on purpose, or if it just happened to grow there, but I looked up "the language of trees" and found this:

Patience
Wisdom
Star-crossed lovers united in death
And this:
"I will not survive you".

I planted my garden today.

I have the north-east corner plot at the Umi community garden (anyone else notice that a significant chunk of my social life takes place there?) and I have planted The Following:

Butternut squash
Buttercup (I think) squash -- though some of them may have been pumpkin
Romano pole beans (steaming beans)
Blue Lake pole beans (fresh-eating beans)
Sweet corn (yellow, not peaches and cream)
and
Two kinds of tomatoes -- those were from Umi (they were giving away pepper plants and tomato plants for reasons I do not know but am happy to take advantage of) -- one kind is (probably) grape tomatoes, the other kind: I have no idea. We shall see. :-)


I'm lucky. My plot is right by the (soon to be finished?) fence. So I'm going to train the squash and beans along it, which should help eliminate the need for trelising and, with any luck, will mean that I keep my plants out of other people's gardens.

I've still got a fair chunk of plot left over, so suggestion are welcome. I know Raynedaze has suggested tomatillos. I'm also wondering if I could stick some fava beans and/or ruby chard in there. :-)

No perenials, I do know that.


Anyway. We'll see what grows. :-)



To do this weekend:
Dishes (at least some of them)
Laundry ('cause I have loonies now)
Return wine bottles, etc, to the Beer Store for loose change


There may be a long bath and a visit with Hex and/or Seanchaidh as well. That'd be nice. :-)


- TTFN,
- Amazon.

The Madame of Victoria (courtesy of McClung's Magazine)


What am I doing?

I am plotting.

Plotting BDSM scenarios
Plotting my housewarming menu
Plotting a Romantic Vegan Dinner for Two

I'm making lists of the kind of groceries I'm going to get. (Will I manage to go back to my Make It From Scratch roots? Well... In part, I suspect so. But probably not all the way. ;-)

I'm taking note of where the wild foods grow in my neighbourhood, and the front-yard gardens from-which I can nick mallow and hollyhock and morning glory seed pods.

Plotting the garden plot I want to have for next spring. (Trellised Winter squash, corn, hollyhocks, scarlet runners, cranberry beans,
Trying to figure out how to compost chez moi without attracting creepy-crawlies (hint: Big Bucket on the Balcony).
Plotting the balcony garden, too -- I want cascades of morning glories, a pot of peppermint, and a pot of tomatoes. Maybe some other stuff, if I can swing it. ;-)


I'm also trying to figure out where to hang my art (and which art to hang). I think there will be a lot of blue going around. :-)


To my embarassment, I don't know how to assemble my own bed-frame. :-P

Woops.

Unpacking continues to go more-or-less as planned.

Hopefully my phone will be up and running by then end of the evening. :-)


- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)

Hallo! :-D

So, in addition to the offer on the house -- apparently the buyer *is* pre-approved for a mortgage, so chances are this'll be just fine (YAY!!!!) -- I also have a job-interview.

For that secretarial position at INAC.

which is NOT a pool. :-D

It's on monday morning between 9am and 10am.

It would be SO good if I got this. I know that it's not HUGELY likely, given that it's government and, therefore, chances are good that they've got someone else already ligned up for it, BUT: I wish for me to get that secretatial job anyway.

Because it would be such a load off my mind if I knew that I was NEVER going to be out of a job, or Not Working for a week/month/whatever (I don't even wanna *think* about being out of work for a year at this point. Eugh... <*shudder*>).
Plus, y'know, dental benefits and paid vacations, and a salary that isn't being cut in half by the agency...
I see these as majorly good things, y'know?

<*sigh*>

Right now I'm making (assuming I continue to be gainfully employed by the agency) somewhere between $14K & $15K a year (take-home).
Which is enough to get by on - in a one-bedroom appartment with all the utilities included and a careful sense of budgetting when it comes to social activities.
If I get this particular job I would be making double that.
Roughly.
Hell, even if I was making, like, one-and-a-third that, it'd still be an extra five grand in the bank every year, which would be AWESOME.

So, yes. In addition to good house-sale vibes and good appartment-finding vibes, please send me good job-getting vibes.

Your vibes: I wants them, precious, I does.

:-D

(Seems to be working so far, anyway. ;-)


With all this in mind. I have been thinking.

Specifically, I've been thinking about something that (I think) my former therapy-person, Bernadette, said to me one time. (Though it may have been someone else, and/or I may have read it in a book somewhere. Or it came out of my own head. I'm not sure. Bear with me, people).

The Thing That Was Said (by somebody, somewhere) was this:

When there is something you Need To Do in your life, and you're not doing it, everything else will grind to a stand-still until you get That Thing dealt with.

Given this, I'm wondering if, perhaps, the Thing I Needed To Do was to end my marriage. Because Things are moving again.
And that's sometimes scary, because - hello - it's been a while since I felt like that, and I kinda forget how to surf. You know what I mean? How to keep my balance when everything underneath you is moving again.

Wah!


Anyway. So I'm feeling hopeful, and like Things Are Going Somewhere, and the Somewhere is GOOD.
Which, I have to say, is a really good state of mind to be in, even if I *am* tired all the time.



In other news, I've been day-dreaming again. This time about the back-burner idea of a Fancy vegetarian restaurant in Ottawa.

This would be the kind of place where you don't have to bus your own tables or get your food at a buffet (and then pay for it by weight). This would be the place where you and your sweetie/social-group/etc make a reservation, turn up at the appointed time, leave your coats in the cloak room, and sit down for the rest of the evening.

There would be waitstaff. (With decent wages).

There would be an organic fruits-and-veggies garden on half of the roof.

The other half of the roof would be all sky-light (if possible -- maybe a geodesic dome?) and would give sunlight to the restaurant and to the small cluster of fig trees growing *inside* the restaurant.

There would be mosaic tile floors. Possibly made of recycled glass, possibly made of recycled ceramics. I'm not sure. (Although a restaurant floor made of mosaic-tiled broken plates would be kind of cool... if they were flat enough...)

The tables would actually be big enough to hold everybody's food.

The ingredients would be local and/or fair trade and organic.
The menu sellections would be seasonal, and include stuff that is vegan, gluten-free, and nut-free, as well as stuff that has all-of-the-above in it.

The end-of-day left-overs (if there are any - reasonably good chance of it) would go to food not bombs.

There would be live entertainment by local musicians and writers, and paintings/photographs by local artists for sale on the walls. (At least that's the plan -- although I'd be worried about grease and stuff getting on the art-work... Hm... Perhaps I'd have to do art-clusters around the place, or something...)


Anyway. This restaurant idea is nothing like the eco-house idea. As in: I WILL build the eco-house. The restaurant idea is totally just a dream.
For now, anyway.
That said, once the eco-house is built, I may have a career ahead of me as a restaurant manager.
Or, conversely, I will rope my *sister* (and her commerce degree) into managing the restaurant, and I will merely own the thing and hire people to do everything else.
Which takes a hell of a lot of money.
Which I don't yet have. (But, hey, if I get the INAC job, I can start saving for the eco-house, and the eco-house will be so efficient and land-based that It'll pay for itself - after a bit - and I can save up for Project Restaurant. :-)

Whee! :-)

It all just cascades together, doesn't it? :-)



In other news: I was looking up stuff on the Internet today:

Consensus Decision Making:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consensus_decision-making

Food Not Lawns:
http://www.foodnotlawns.com/

Guerilla Gardening
http://www.guerrillagardening.org/index.html


The plan for this evening, before going home, is to wander down Sommerset Street West (towards the canal) and see if that appartment is still for rent (it's in a low-rise, it has french doors onto the veranda. There is garden space out front (which, I confess, I'm totally hoping to co-opt).

( Questions to Ask About the Appartment )

I can hope.

The place is one or two doors down from The Elizabeth.
Or it's a halucination.
Hopefully the former.

Anyway, I think that's it for me.

My sister gets into town tomorrow night. Appartment hunting away! :-)

I stuck my head out the back door and had a look at the yard.
Aside from being somewhat messy-looking (I need to rake the compost into a more pile-like pile, I think), I've got (A) no more snow(!!!), and (B) flowers!

My crocuses and my chionadoxa(e?) are blooooooooomiiiiiiiiiing and my tulips, day-lilies-of-insanity, and hollyhocks (and a few other things which, I hope, include the daffodils I planted last year) are in leaf, if not in bud.

Squeee!!!! Spring is here! Spring is here! My Lady Spring is here! :-D

I spent the last ten minutes or so just outside singing to the garden.

I am a happy, happy girl! :-D

So...

While bopping around various garden centres with Ami_B yesterday, we ended up talking about "Who is it who buys new cars? Who has that kind of extra money to just throw around?" which lead to the statement of "may we have such problems". ;-)

And this, in turn, lead me to daydream (in "Paint", no less) about what I would like to do with my back yard, if I ever found myself with a bundle of money to randomly throw around like that[1].




The above scenario would give me a fair bit of extra garden/earth space to play with, including the kind of space I would need to put in, say, a President Lincoln lilac, or a serviceberry tree. (Or both. Or not. But it would still mean buckets of more garden space for me. Yay!).


With that in mind, I present: Two flower gardens that I would love to have. :-)
Each one inlcudes some food plants, but mainly they are flowers.

( Blue, Black, and Purple )

( Warm Tones )


Wow. Look at all that.
I need a bigger yard (possibly the size of a hobby-farm...)


Time to put the laundry in the dryer. :-)


- TTFN,
- Amazon.



[1] This would, of course, be after getting the roof fixed, and the kitchen and both bathrooms re-done. And possibly installing hard flooring (laminate) in the basement bedroom. So it would be a while and is not likely to occur. None the less, I can dream, can't I? :-)

Paul is in hamilton - which is to say that, right at this moment, he's in Toronto, checking in to get on a train that will get him *to* Hamilton in an hour and a half or so. :-)

I'm looking forward to making cookies with Ami_B and Arndis tomorrow. :-)


In my friend's garden, I planted:

Itty Bitty Hollyhocks (which, hopefully, will grow in profusion and give her a bit wodge of purple-black flowers next summer)

A pink Campanelle (courtesy of PotBelly's neighbour - I've got another one to put in my own yard)

Forget-Me-Nots (which will either root or go to seed or both and give her more flowers)

Yarrow & Spearmint (which are both damn near impossible to kill and, as such, should be just fine and dandy, thanks).

One stalk of Beebalm (which, in theory, should spread like a wild thing within a year)

Three Bachelors' Buttons (which look pretty dead, but I'm hoping their roots are healthy enough to take in her yard -- come on thunder storm! Water these wee babies! :-)


Next week, I shall bring more transplants (and, in theory, a new trowel) -- most likely more yarrow and spearmint and forget-me-nots. Potentially something else, but I don't know what just yet. :-)

I've got some unidentified iris-looking thing - yellow and red - I find myself thinking 'pussy flower' (like something painted on a Dinner Party plate, ruffled and red throated. Pretty. We'll see what it turns into. :-)


In other news: Thanks to my sister, I now have a Keeper. :-)
( For Those who like TMI- and I *do* mean TMI, or: How It's Going )

So that is the joy of the Keeper. Hurrah! I'm so glad I have one now. :-)

Moving right along. :-)

- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)