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As a person with no kids what-so-ever, I thought I'd take this opportunity to spout (in ignorance) about parenting. (Please don't hurt me...)
Right.
So.
Basically, I just saw this segment (on Vicki Gaboreau, if you can believe it) about this book called "Hang on to Your Kids: Why Parents Matter", and that's what got me thinking about this stuff. (What follows are my reactions, thoughts, and oppinions about what was said).
It was kinda fun because, rather than being about kid-behaviour and parental-behaviour, it was about relationships and, as such, was slightly anthropological. :-)
Whee! :-)
Anyway. Onwards, and onwards, as they say. :-)
The authors were talking about hierarchy -- in a good way. (This is fine by me, because they weren't being wierd). Essentially the idea (that I took away from it) is that:
Parents are:
1) Teachers, and
2) Anchors
So.
Teachers: I mean, everyone knows that kids learn by example. Presumeably they don't stop learning by example just because they've stopped obviously immitating everything you do within twenty-four hours of seeing you do it. Right?
So. You teach your kids to be grown-ups, right?
What-ever "grown-ups" means in your culture/society/mind. Yes?
I mean, I haven't the slightest idea how to teach a boy to be a man. No clue. Paul does. If only because he has a reasonably concrete idea of what "man" means in his mind (I asked him about it one time when we were talking about our kids-to-be-born).
But I don't.
What I do have, though, is a fairly good idea of what "grown-up" means. (It's actually remarkeably similar to what "man" means for Paul, which makes sense, if only because boy-Paul became man-Paul when he Grew Up, right?).
The main thing being: Being able to take care of yourself to the point where you can simultaneously take care of at least one other person who can't (yet) take care of themselves.
There are, of course, sub-headings to this, but that's the big one.
One of them (for instance) is: How to get food.
Which means that (A) I'll be showing my girls (and boys, should I have them -- haha. The Gods have a sense of humour, I know. I'll probably have three sets of all-male twins. Please, no, Ladies, give me a daughter! Whoever comes after is fine, but start me with a girl!) how to grow food in the back yard (and possibly how to fish, should I ever pick up a rod again).
But, (B) I'll also be showing them how to price-compare at the grocery store.
(C) And how to cook food from scratch.
Anyway. :-)
Anchor:
They had kind of an interesting discussion about "gathering" (you know the way babies are like "pick me up! Look at me! Let me grab onto your finger!" and so on? This same sort of thing -- apparently -- keeps happening, although not in the same way, when the kids get older).
So there was this thing about being there for your kids to come back to.
I mean, not that I have any clue how to accomplish this, but I'd like to be the Cool Mom.
Not in the sense of pretending to be one of my kids' peers (because that tends to back-fire, from what I've heard) but in the sense of having my kids feel comfortable bringing their friends over to the house. Stuff like that.
I don't want a nintendo, though.
I hate those things with hell-razing fury. It's kinda scary, actually.
Anywhoo.
I'm... running out of defined thoughts here, so I'm going to open the floor.
What are people's thoughts on this? :-) (Particularly those with parents, as hey: I need all the help I can get. :-)
- Nam'ara,
- Amazon. :-)
Right.
So.
Basically, I just saw this segment (on Vicki Gaboreau, if you can believe it) about this book called "Hang on to Your Kids: Why Parents Matter", and that's what got me thinking about this stuff. (What follows are my reactions, thoughts, and oppinions about what was said).
It was kinda fun because, rather than being about kid-behaviour and parental-behaviour, it was about relationships and, as such, was slightly anthropological. :-)
Whee! :-)
Anyway. Onwards, and onwards, as they say. :-)
The authors were talking about hierarchy -- in a good way. (This is fine by me, because they weren't being wierd). Essentially the idea (that I took away from it) is that:
Parents are:
1) Teachers, and
2) Anchors
So.
Teachers: I mean, everyone knows that kids learn by example. Presumeably they don't stop learning by example just because they've stopped obviously immitating everything you do within twenty-four hours of seeing you do it. Right?
So. You teach your kids to be grown-ups, right?
What-ever "grown-ups" means in your culture/society/mind. Yes?
I mean, I haven't the slightest idea how to teach a boy to be a man. No clue. Paul does. If only because he has a reasonably concrete idea of what "man" means in his mind (I asked him about it one time when we were talking about our kids-to-be-born).
But I don't.
What I do have, though, is a fairly good idea of what "grown-up" means. (It's actually remarkeably similar to what "man" means for Paul, which makes sense, if only because boy-Paul became man-Paul when he Grew Up, right?).
The main thing being: Being able to take care of yourself to the point where you can simultaneously take care of at least one other person who can't (yet) take care of themselves.
There are, of course, sub-headings to this, but that's the big one.
One of them (for instance) is: How to get food.
Which means that (A) I'll be showing my girls (and boys, should I have them -- haha. The Gods have a sense of humour, I know. I'll probably have three sets of all-male twins. Please, no, Ladies, give me a daughter! Whoever comes after is fine, but start me with a girl!) how to grow food in the back yard (and possibly how to fish, should I ever pick up a rod again).
But, (B) I'll also be showing them how to price-compare at the grocery store.
(C) And how to cook food from scratch.
Anyway. :-)
Anchor:
They had kind of an interesting discussion about "gathering" (you know the way babies are like "pick me up! Look at me! Let me grab onto your finger!" and so on? This same sort of thing -- apparently -- keeps happening, although not in the same way, when the kids get older).
So there was this thing about being there for your kids to come back to.
I mean, not that I have any clue how to accomplish this, but I'd like to be the Cool Mom.
Not in the sense of pretending to be one of my kids' peers (because that tends to back-fire, from what I've heard) but in the sense of having my kids feel comfortable bringing their friends over to the house. Stuff like that.
I don't want a nintendo, though.
I hate those things with hell-razing fury. It's kinda scary, actually.
Anywhoo.
I'm... running out of defined thoughts here, so I'm going to open the floor.
What are people's thoughts on this? :-) (Particularly those with parents, as hey: I need all the help I can get. :-)
- Nam'ara,
- Amazon. :-)
