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Feministing draws our attention to something completely deplorable:
When Rape Culture Meets Abstinance-Only Sex Ed
I Blame the Patriarchy has an article about the concept of sexual consent in our society which, other than my objecting to her use of the term “prostituted women” (as if no sex workers ever chose their jobs of their own accord but are all in that line of work due to having been victimized by someone else), I think raises some very good points about how “yes” is defined in a (hetero) sexual situation[1] and what kind of women are allowed to even try to make the case that they said “no”.
From Ana Lara (“There is Another Way”, in The Revolution Starts at Home -- Of-which I finally have a hard-copy):
PART I: Survivor’s Rights and Responsibilities
As a survivor of abuse, in any of its forms, I have the right to:
1) Name rape, incest, sexual molestation, assault, battery, domestic violence and all forms of abuse in all its forms.
2) Feel angry, hurt, sad, loving, or forgiving of my perpetrator(s), and any friend(s) or family who has collaborated with the violence.
3) Speak about my abuse.
4) Have a space to reflect on my personal history without judgment.
5) The physical and psychological care that is necessary for surviving trauma.
6) A safe and secure home.
7) Safe relationships with family, friends, partners, lovers and service providers.
8) Confront perpetrators and those who have participated in violations and abuses.
9) Leave.
10) Take action to stop the abuse.
11) Feel beautiful and loveable.
12) Love and be loved.
As a survivor of abuse, in any of its forms, I have the responsibility to:
1) Take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – whatever that means for me.
2) Reflect on the ways abuse has affected me and to seek appropriate forms of support.
3) Understand the sources of my pain.
4) Interrupt patterns of abuse and self-abuse in my own behaviour that hurt me and/or others.
5) Take full responsibility for my choices and behaviours.
6) Reach out to other survivors as a source of support or to provide support.
7) Live my life to the best of my abilities and with the goal of reaching my full potential.
8) Stay present to myself and to my needs.
9) Form healthy relationships that nourish me.
10) Claim my own desire.
11) Accept my beauty, power, strengths, weaknesses and humanity in the world.
12) Survive my history, circumstances and violations.
Random Bits of Not Exactly Poetry:
There’s a cliff edge here
I can see the house behind me
I walk this shoreline
Fifty feet up
Surf crashing down below
Every day
Every day
Scared to touch you
Because you might
(Will)
Want more than I can give
When my only power lies in denial
In a statement of absolute NO
NO you can’t touch me
NO you can’t fuck my
NO you don’t own me
NO
no
No, I’m not angry at you, sweetheart
The litany that always ends in a lie.
Because I am angry
Still
Even as I know that I must have hurt you, too. Even as I wonder just how sad you must have been, refused so often, unable to touch your wife
But you did touch me
Didn’t you
Even when I said no.
And I can’t quite forgive you for that yet.
Spent the last fifteen minutes of my day chatting with my boss's boss about poetry and rock bands and stuff like that there. She's good fun. :-)
I'm having one of those moments where I'm kind of missing my girlfriend. She's out right now (and will likely be out until late -- she's going swing dancing tonight (finally, as she's been wanting to do so for the entire week), which doesn't start until 10pm. I don't know whether she'll be stopping in here before that or what. <*shrug*>) and I'm kind of at loose ends.
Part of me is going "Clean! You've got a sink full of dishes! Go and tidy the place up a bit!" and part of me is going "Sleep! You're tired and cold and kind of sick and the sleep will do you good! Besides, when she gets in, she'll be kind of awake, it would be nice if you could be, too!"
I've decided not to go to Umi tonight. Only one poem to read, which isn't really enough. (I always prefer to read in multiples, since my poems tend to be short). Anyway, I figure I can save it for next week, when I'll *really* be at loose ends.
Anyway. Mopemope. I should probably turn the lights on, as it's getting to be that time of day where the light is *just* getting bleak out. :-P
By the way: Does anyone know where the mother-of-fucking-life they hid the damn word-count button on MSWord 2007??? This is driving me nutty!
Anyway.
- TTFN,
- Amazon.
[1] There’s a whole *slew* of Mess that can be dredged up in terms of how our culture reacts (or doesn’t react) to sexual violence in queer/trans situations. I direct you to The Revolutions Starts at Home for further, related discussions on (some of) these topics.
When Rape Culture Meets Abstinance-Only Sex Ed
I Blame the Patriarchy has an article about the concept of sexual consent in our society which, other than my objecting to her use of the term “prostituted women” (as if no sex workers ever chose their jobs of their own accord but are all in that line of work due to having been victimized by someone else), I think raises some very good points about how “yes” is defined in a (hetero) sexual situation[1] and what kind of women are allowed to even try to make the case that they said “no”.
From Ana Lara (“There is Another Way”, in The Revolution Starts at Home -- Of-which I finally have a hard-copy):
PART I: Survivor’s Rights and Responsibilities
As a survivor of abuse, in any of its forms, I have the right to:
1) Name rape, incest, sexual molestation, assault, battery, domestic violence and all forms of abuse in all its forms.
2) Feel angry, hurt, sad, loving, or forgiving of my perpetrator(s), and any friend(s) or family who has collaborated with the violence.
3) Speak about my abuse.
4) Have a space to reflect on my personal history without judgment.
5) The physical and psychological care that is necessary for surviving trauma.
6) A safe and secure home.
7) Safe relationships with family, friends, partners, lovers and service providers.
8) Confront perpetrators and those who have participated in violations and abuses.
9) Leave.
10) Take action to stop the abuse.
11) Feel beautiful and loveable.
12) Love and be loved.
As a survivor of abuse, in any of its forms, I have the responsibility to:
1) Take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – whatever that means for me.
2) Reflect on the ways abuse has affected me and to seek appropriate forms of support.
3) Understand the sources of my pain.
4) Interrupt patterns of abuse and self-abuse in my own behaviour that hurt me and/or others.
5) Take full responsibility for my choices and behaviours.
6) Reach out to other survivors as a source of support or to provide support.
7) Live my life to the best of my abilities and with the goal of reaching my full potential.
8) Stay present to myself and to my needs.
9) Form healthy relationships that nourish me.
10) Claim my own desire.
11) Accept my beauty, power, strengths, weaknesses and humanity in the world.
12) Survive my history, circumstances and violations.
Random Bits of Not Exactly Poetry:
There’s a cliff edge here
I can see the house behind me
I walk this shoreline
Fifty feet up
Surf crashing down below
Every day
Every day
Scared to touch you
Because you might
(Will)
Want more than I can give
When my only power lies in denial
In a statement of absolute NO
NO you can’t touch me
NO you can’t fuck my
NO you don’t own me
NO
no
No, I’m not angry at you, sweetheart
The litany that always ends in a lie.
Because I am angry
Still
Even as I know that I must have hurt you, too. Even as I wonder just how sad you must have been, refused so often, unable to touch your wife
But you did touch me
Didn’t you
Even when I said no.
And I can’t quite forgive you for that yet.
Spent the last fifteen minutes of my day chatting with my boss's boss about poetry and rock bands and stuff like that there. She's good fun. :-)
I'm having one of those moments where I'm kind of missing my girlfriend. She's out right now (and will likely be out until late -- she's going swing dancing tonight (finally, as she's been wanting to do so for the entire week), which doesn't start until 10pm. I don't know whether she'll be stopping in here before that or what. <*shrug*>) and I'm kind of at loose ends.
Part of me is going "Clean! You've got a sink full of dishes! Go and tidy the place up a bit!" and part of me is going "Sleep! You're tired and cold and kind of sick and the sleep will do you good! Besides, when she gets in, she'll be kind of awake, it would be nice if you could be, too!"
I've decided not to go to Umi tonight. Only one poem to read, which isn't really enough. (I always prefer to read in multiples, since my poems tend to be short). Anyway, I figure I can save it for next week, when I'll *really* be at loose ends.
Anyway. Mopemope. I should probably turn the lights on, as it's getting to be that time of day where the light is *just* getting bleak out. :-P
By the way: Does anyone know where the mother-of-fucking-life they hid the damn word-count button on MSWord 2007??? This is driving me nutty!
Anyway.
- TTFN,
- Amazon.
[1] There’s a whole *slew* of Mess that can be dredged up in terms of how our culture reacts (or doesn’t react) to sexual violence in queer/trans situations. I direct you to The Revolutions Starts at Home for further, related discussions on (some of) these topics.