This is Not Salt in my Wounds. This is the Fucking Problem.

Naamah_Darling has a post up that is all links on rape, men's entitlement, and sexual harrassment.

Her Links Include:

Cereta: On Rape and Men
"And I am sure that you, Guy Who Is Reading This, is That Guy. You're the guy who would never rape a girl passed out on your bed (who, for that matter, knows that such an act would be rape), or the woman in the village your battalion/troop/whatever is overrunning. You're the guy who wouldn't do such a thing even when his buddies were heckling him, telling him he's a fag and a pussy if he doesn't. Even more, you're the guy who would stop his frat brother from raping that girl, and get her home. You're the guy who would stop his comrades, or at least report them.

And to lose the sarcasm for a minute, I'm sure some of you are. Lord knows, I believe that of most of the men I am close to. Or at least, I desperately want to.

Now, here's my question: where the fuck are you?"



The Neon Season: Some Things A Lot of Het Men Believe About Rape
"In my experience, about ninety percent of the men with whom I've had those conversations in person believe at least one of the following:

-Once a man is sexually aroused, he's not responsible for his own actions.

-Once a man is sexually aroused, sex is inevitable and something he can't control.

-If a woman goes on a date with a man/gets drunk with a man/goes to a man's apartment/flirts with a man/kisses a man [Amazon Adds: marries a man], she has consented to sex with him and may not revoke her consent.

-Consenting to one sexual act is automatic consent for any further or other sexual acts. (ie, consent to oral sex = consent to vaginal sex.)

-Women falsely accuse men of rape all the time, and all men are terrified of being falsely accused. All conversations about rape must revolve around this, a much bigger problem than the problem of actual rape.

-There is no way for a man to protect himself against accidentally raping a woman whom he thought consented but actually didn't. Verbally asking if a woman wants to have sex with him is impossible. (Yes, I've heard this one repeatedly.)"



Khalinche: On Culturally Systemic Sexual Harrassment
"What I _do_ experience rather often is street harassment and unwanted attention. And every time I tell a straight male friend or partner about it, they are surprised. It seems odd to them that one person should find it normal to shout crude and personal things at another in the street because one of them is male and the other is female. I have yet to tell a woman friend that I was harrassed in the street and see her react with shock. It is an utterly normal part of life for most women, and no less unpleasant for that."


And Many More!


Here is her post. Go forth and read them all!

Oh. ETA: Hands Up If You've Ever Experienced Street Harrassment.



On a more personal note: Those Things Het Men Believe? My ex believed a lot of them. Particularly the bit about false accusations.
He said he didn't know anyone who'd been raped.
He "didn't know anyone" because, when his former fiancee had told him about how she'd been raped before? He didn't believe her.

Real easy to not know anyone when you disbelieve anyone who has the guts to tell you.

Real easy to Not Be That Kind of Guy when your mental definition of sexual assault is A stranger In the Bushes, not Jamming Your Hand Between Your Partner's Legs Even Though She's Told You Repeatedly and In No Uncertain Terms to STOP DOING THAT.

<*angry*>


ANYWAY.


Off to West Fest shortly. Will be taking out the trash on the way, me thinks.


- TTFN,
- Amazon.

Saturday Evening

So, my sweetie is going to the "I Love Sex" party at Goodhandy's tonight.

She's looking forward to getting a chance to be with her friend-and-coworker in a situation where they don't have to feel guilty about Not Working while fooling around with eachother.

She's not sure if she'll ever get an actual Date with this gal -- partly because she doesn't want to cause drama (which I think means: get too attached), because that'll throw things off at work, and partly because she doesn't actually know this woman outside of a work situation.

But the gal in questions seems to be quite sweet on her (no surprises there), so we'll see what happens. :-)

<*sigh*>

My sweetie-pie. <3 :-)


In other news: I have a bathtub full of dishes to do.

Yes, I said "bath-tub". When I have a LOT of dishes -- such as dishes that have been sitting around for LITTERALLY a week after a party and I just haven't had the combination of time and inclination to actually get them done -- I put them in the bath. Because, that way, I *have to* do them if I want to take a shower.
And I'd really like to take a shower!

Mmmmmmmm... With honey-scented soap and a loofah or something. :-)



WestFest was awesome. Saleema Nawaz (who I went to school with at various points in my life) read from her new novel, and Luna Allison and Shanon Beahen performed at the Spoken Word show, which was faboo.


That said: What is this style of slam-poetry wherein one speaks loudly and relentlessly and <*cough*> without much in the way of nuance <*cough*> into the mic? I suspect the point is to be overwhelming, but mostly I find it irritating. We can modulate our voices for a reason. Doing so adds significantly (I think) to the tone of a piece.
That particular style I just described... It feels too much like someone who is typing in all caps and without any punctuation.
Which is unfortunate.
Sound and fury signifying nothing is a crappy way to perform if you actually have something to say.

/snark.


Anyway.

Dishes. Or something.


- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)

In Which Chris Rock Talks About Privilege

"Renée Fleming - Song to the Moon with Lyrics" (Watch on YouTube)