So.

In keeping with my day of "buy ALL the things", I bought myself an entire bottle of non-alcoholic red wine.

It's watery. It lacks the slight thickness (syrup-y-ness?) of the kind of very cheap, young wines (red and white) that I tend to pick up.
It tastes (and mouth-feels) like slightly tannin-heavy grape juice more than it tastes like wine. I that makes any sense.

BUT

It's okay.

And I like that my head doesn't feel muzzy, so this is relevant to my interests even if I think it should be $6.99/bottle instead of the Actual Wine Prices they're charging.
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