![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Whelp.
So, I have a cousin.
She's about a decade younger than me.
When I met her at the family reunion 2 summers ago, she pinged all the bi flags I can think of.
And the following doesn't mean I read her wrong. Gods know bi people can be pretty messed up in ways that my just-out-teen-self didn't really think about.
But my cousin posts stuff on facebook that is kind of upsetting. I mean, most of it basically gets filed under "whatever". I don't care that much that she's reposting stuff deriding people who think "Baby, It's Cold Outside" sounds rape-y as fuck in a contemporary context, or that she's posting pictures of kinky gingerbreads with "this is why I don't get asked to make stuff for the church bake sale anymore" captions without necessarily being kinky herself.
But sometimes she posts stuff that really bothers me.
So I started commenting on that stuff.
I started commenting on that stuff literally inside of the last hour. And I started out pretty... easy to ignore. I literally said "Good grief, [name]".
And I figure, if she responds to that, I can talk to her about it further, and if she doesn't, I'll just quietly keep doing that, and maybe upping things a bit here and there, so that it's not just zero-to-livid right away.
If anyone has some personal experience talking to relatives (that you want to maintain and develop relationships with) about Problematic Stuff, please feel free to pass along what has worked?
Thanks,
Amazon.
So, I have a cousin.
She's about a decade younger than me.
When I met her at the family reunion 2 summers ago, she pinged all the bi flags I can think of.
And the following doesn't mean I read her wrong. Gods know bi people can be pretty messed up in ways that my just-out-teen-self didn't really think about.
But my cousin posts stuff on facebook that is kind of upsetting. I mean, most of it basically gets filed under "whatever". I don't care that much that she's reposting stuff deriding people who think "Baby, It's Cold Outside" sounds rape-y as fuck in a contemporary context, or that she's posting pictures of kinky gingerbreads with "this is why I don't get asked to make stuff for the church bake sale anymore" captions without necessarily being kinky herself.
But sometimes she posts stuff that really bothers me.
So I started commenting on that stuff.
I started commenting on that stuff literally inside of the last hour. And I started out pretty... easy to ignore. I literally said "Good grief, [name]".
And I figure, if she responds to that, I can talk to her about it further, and if she doesn't, I'll just quietly keep doing that, and maybe upping things a bit here and there, so that it's not just zero-to-livid right away.
If anyone has some personal experience talking to relatives (that you want to maintain and develop relationships with) about Problematic Stuff, please feel free to pass along what has worked?
Thanks,
Amazon.
From:
no subject
For actual conversations, I think the key I've found talking to some less alt right cousins is to be open about why you feel hurt by it, but really really avoid any technical words like "Patriarchy" or "rape culture" (not that that's technical, but as an example of back to basics.) The tone you're aiming for is personal and friendly.
I've had, I think, reasonable conversations about why gamergate is wackaluna bs and why I won't call myself a brony using this tone.
From:
no subject
Yeah, she's not quite at that level. She was friendly and welcoming to me and my trans wife, so there's that.
Your advice to be friendly & personal and to avoid specific terms is... in line with what I was guessing would be the best plan, so thanks for confirming that one.
Thanks so much. <3