Rambling

[amazon_syren]

From Work:
Good Mental Health.


So.
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry despite the fact that I've just devoured an entire loaf of bread (it was a small loaf, but still).


I want my passion back.

Sometimes I have glimmers of it. A sunny day when I'm out walking, the luck of a poem springing from my lips/mind/pen, laughing with my girl on the phone.

I need to clean.

I feel weighed down by all the STUFF in my apartment. The garbage (and MORE, the recycling) needs to be taken out, the floors vacuumed, the tables tidied, the dishes (perpetually) washed. Especially the tupperware.
Seriously, sometimes I just want to throw it all out and get new, clean ones, just to avoid having to wash them. :-P
Of all the silly things.
I've got two huge boxes of books (and, possibly, one patio chair) to get rid of. Still need to go through my clothes, decide what to keep, what to modify, what to give away.

Part of me thinks that if I only ever had four of everything (four plates, bowls, mugs, glasses, bread-plate (though that's kind of cheating), forks, knives, spoons (tea spoons?), and enough tupperware to pack one week's worth of lunches) that I'd have a better time with the dishes. That there would never be enough dishes to fall back on for me to accumulate more than one load at a time. Mondays and Thursdays: Dish night. (Like only having seven pairs of socks so that you have to do the laundry once a week).

I need airy space again.
Like if I spend Saturday cleaning (before Ursula, assuming I can snag a ticket from Octopus Books today) and cleaning and cleaning, laundry and dishes and vacuuming and more dishes and taking out all of the various types of trash...
Like I'll have my space back again and it'll be *mine* not my stuff's.
Like if I get everything cleaned up and Perfect (or very close there-to) and then go out for pho or something and get the kind of groceries that can be turned into Instant Food without actually *being* heavily processed crap[1], that I'll be okay again.

I miss earthy stuff, if that makes any sense.
I'm getting my old hankering for artisan bread and organic tomatoes and gardening and permaculture and wild foods and making things from scratch again.
And this isn't a bad thing at all. (although when you keep looking at your bank slips going "Okay, *where* did that $100 go???", it can become a probem. But so can eating out (or buying 1L of milk + a loaf of bread per day) regularly, buying ice cream, getting new clothes, and all the rest of it).

I think that part of this hankering is not acutally about food. It's about creation and creativity and feeding my soul.

So I read poetry again (Ami_B? You'd probably like "Covering Rough Ground" by Kate Braid. It's all about being a woman and carpenter. ;-) and hope that the cadences of emotion-writing will come back to me with the spring.


Gotta go now.


- TTFN,
- Amazon.


[1] Think baby tomatoes and pre-cut baby carrots instead of anything that needs to be peeled or cut, for example. Making six mini-loaves of bread of a weekend and then bringing one for lunch every day, or cooking an entire tray of drumsticks for the same reason. Know what I mean?)