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So last night was, by and large, awesome.
I wouldn't say that the performances were polarized between "The beauty myth is evil, therefore if you play with overtly feminine/sexual body presentation you are servicing the patriarchy and are a total dupe" and "Sex positive! Go porn! Woohoo!" (Guess which side of that debate I was on. ;-) but the performances did tend to fall into one of those two categories.
Not all of them. There was a short film that focused on roundness and female bodies, and one gal read a totally awesome poem about how she felt about her ex-boyfriend's now-ex-girlfriend -- I plugged VoV and I REALLY hope she comes out to our next show! -- but *most* of them were done along those lines. Which was interesting.
I mean, it's no surprise that young women feel ambivalent about their sexuality, their sexual agency, their femininity.
I've ranted on this subject numerous times before, but really.
Grow a gal up in a culture that says "be sexually tittilating and sexually available, 'cause that's where your value in the eyes of The Man comes from" AND "be virginal because sluts deserve to die[1]" AND "be sexually available to NONE or to ALL because anything in between implies you have some sort of desire of your own, and we all know *that's* not true"... and of course you're going to get gals wondering how the hell to reconcile their wanting to be desired/desireable (titilating for men and, as such, playing up to The Patriarchy) with their desire to only fuck who THEY want to fuck, not all-comers and NOT nobody (agency = not being the compliant little fuck-bunny The Patriarchy wants you to be).
Grow a gal up in a culture that says "feminine is how you're Supposed to Be, just naturally" AND "femininity is a constructed falacy meant to dupe men into thinking you're beautiful" AND "feminity is defined in a specific way and you'll be judged on how well you conform to that norm" AND "we totally don't take femininity/feminine!people seriously" AND "femininity/feminine!wiles are women's only source of power"... and of course you're going to get gals wondering how the hell to reconcile their desire to manifest their femininity (or, for that matter, their masculinity) with how their culture treats them for being (and/or not being) feminine.
Y'know?
So it's no surprise that this is weighing on a lot of young[2] (and not so young) minds.
Some of it made me grit my teeth. The satyrical piece by a gal named Jen, in particular, pisses me right the hell off.
See, it was inspired by Ariel Levy's Female Chauvenist Pigs which, once upon a time, I loved to death even though it made me cry and feel just totally futile.
Which brings us to: Rant Number One!
<*ahem*>
See... There's this idea, in one (maybe more than one) branch of the Feminist Gorse Bush, that
(A) Femininity and/or Feminine Sexuality (because, in our culture, the two tend to be conflated) are (i) performative as opposed to inate on any level, and (ii) performed exclusively for the gazes of men.
AND
(B) As such, Femininity and/or Feminine Sexuality are, by nature, oppressive and/or playing up to the standards of The Patriarchy and/or looking for approval there-from.
AND
(C) As such, any woman who happens to be feminine and/or sexual (particularly if they're het-girls or bi-girls-who-are-dating-guys).
And this is a HUGE problem.
Because:
(A) it blames women for their own opression, which solves absolutely fuck-all,
AND
(B) it makes those of us who *are* feminine - as in it feels normal and natural and we gravitate to those things that are designated as feminine because they resonate with us as individuals - or who like having sex (<*gasp*> The HORROR!) or who are exhibitionists or kinky-submissives or lesbian sadistic-dommes, or what-have-you --> it makes us feel really fucking awful because it's effectively saying "Hey! You lot in the PVC mini-dresses! You're fucking this up for the rest of us! If you weren't so obsessed with nail-polish we might be getting somewhere by now!"
PLUS
(C) It conveniently ignores the bit where we don't actually know what women's sexuality (feminine, masculine, or whatever) would *look* like without the influence of The Patriarchy because, frankly, we've never known a time when we were dealing with it, and looking at the ancient stuff from Minoan Crete or Catal Huyuk for inspiration is still looking at it with eyes that see through Patriarchal Lenses (even if they're anti-patriarchal lenses, you're still dealing with a patriarchy to by anti-to).
As one of the other performers said to me on Monday, at the pot-luck (I'm paraphrasing): "Y'know, women deal with enough crap coming from The Media[3], random men who think they have some say in any of this, and so on about how we present ourselves and how we're "supposed" to act, dress, and so on. We really don't need to be getting it from other feminists, too!"
Which is basically the crux of it all.
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy wearing high heels or dresses,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy making your body a canvas,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy getting a workout by doing a dance based on the natural movements of The Female Body,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy talking explicitly about sex as an enjoyable, sensual experience in enjoyable, sensual (as opposed to, say, clinical or overtly political) ways,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy having one-night-stands and/or multiple long-term relationships or a mixture of the two...
...Then don't bother with them.
But, kindly fucking thank you, DON'T tell me that I'm sucking the patriarchy's metaphorical cock just because I *do* feel comfortable, empowered and happy strutting in heels, sashaying in dresses, playing with makeup (or piercings, or henna, or tattoos), doing Belly Dance, Indian Temple Dance or Pole Dance, writing/painting/filming/acting!in porn, and being polyamourous.
<*fist-flailing of doom*>
And that's my rant on *that* subject.
More rants to follow! Woohoo! :-D
[1] No, really. Watch any horror movie. Or attend to stupid tropes like "she shouldn't have gotten into the car". Jaknow?
[2] I'm surprised some of them were able to get into the bar. Seriously. They are *babies*. It boggles the mind. (When did I get old???)
[3] Cosmo? Anyone? Anyone?
I wouldn't say that the performances were polarized between "The beauty myth is evil, therefore if you play with overtly feminine/sexual body presentation you are servicing the patriarchy and are a total dupe" and "Sex positive! Go porn! Woohoo!" (Guess which side of that debate I was on. ;-) but the performances did tend to fall into one of those two categories.
Not all of them. There was a short film that focused on roundness and female bodies, and one gal read a totally awesome poem about how she felt about her ex-boyfriend's now-ex-girlfriend -- I plugged VoV and I REALLY hope she comes out to our next show! -- but *most* of them were done along those lines. Which was interesting.
I mean, it's no surprise that young women feel ambivalent about their sexuality, their sexual agency, their femininity.
I've ranted on this subject numerous times before, but really.
Grow a gal up in a culture that says "be sexually tittilating and sexually available, 'cause that's where your value in the eyes of The Man comes from" AND "be virginal because sluts deserve to die[1]" AND "be sexually available to NONE or to ALL because anything in between implies you have some sort of desire of your own, and we all know *that's* not true"... and of course you're going to get gals wondering how the hell to reconcile their wanting to be desired/desireable (titilating for men and, as such, playing up to The Patriarchy) with their desire to only fuck who THEY want to fuck, not all-comers and NOT nobody (agency = not being the compliant little fuck-bunny The Patriarchy wants you to be).
Grow a gal up in a culture that says "feminine is how you're Supposed to Be, just naturally" AND "femininity is a constructed falacy meant to dupe men into thinking you're beautiful" AND "feminity is defined in a specific way and you'll be judged on how well you conform to that norm" AND "we totally don't take femininity/feminine!people seriously" AND "femininity/feminine!wiles are women's only source of power"... and of course you're going to get gals wondering how the hell to reconcile their desire to manifest their femininity (or, for that matter, their masculinity) with how their culture treats them for being (and/or not being) feminine.
Y'know?
So it's no surprise that this is weighing on a lot of young[2] (and not so young) minds.
Some of it made me grit my teeth. The satyrical piece by a gal named Jen, in particular, pisses me right the hell off.
See, it was inspired by Ariel Levy's Female Chauvenist Pigs which, once upon a time, I loved to death even though it made me cry and feel just totally futile.
Which brings us to: Rant Number One!
<*ahem*>
See... There's this idea, in one (maybe more than one) branch of the Feminist Gorse Bush, that
(A) Femininity and/or Feminine Sexuality (because, in our culture, the two tend to be conflated) are (i) performative as opposed to inate on any level, and (ii) performed exclusively for the gazes of men.
AND
(B) As such, Femininity and/or Feminine Sexuality are, by nature, oppressive and/or playing up to the standards of The Patriarchy and/or looking for approval there-from.
AND
(C) As such, any woman who happens to be feminine and/or sexual (particularly if they're het-girls or bi-girls-who-are-dating-guys).
And this is a HUGE problem.
Because:
(A) it blames women for their own opression, which solves absolutely fuck-all,
AND
(B) it makes those of us who *are* feminine - as in it feels normal and natural and we gravitate to those things that are designated as feminine because they resonate with us as individuals - or who like having sex (<*gasp*> The HORROR!) or who are exhibitionists or kinky-submissives or lesbian sadistic-dommes, or what-have-you --> it makes us feel really fucking awful because it's effectively saying "Hey! You lot in the PVC mini-dresses! You're fucking this up for the rest of us! If you weren't so obsessed with nail-polish we might be getting somewhere by now!"
PLUS
(C) It conveniently ignores the bit where we don't actually know what women's sexuality (feminine, masculine, or whatever) would *look* like without the influence of The Patriarchy because, frankly, we've never known a time when we were dealing with it, and looking at the ancient stuff from Minoan Crete or Catal Huyuk for inspiration is still looking at it with eyes that see through Patriarchal Lenses (even if they're anti-patriarchal lenses, you're still dealing with a patriarchy to by anti-to).
As one of the other performers said to me on Monday, at the pot-luck (I'm paraphrasing): "Y'know, women deal with enough crap coming from The Media[3], random men who think they have some say in any of this, and so on about how we present ourselves and how we're "supposed" to act, dress, and so on. We really don't need to be getting it from other feminists, too!"
Which is basically the crux of it all.
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy wearing high heels or dresses,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy making your body a canvas,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy getting a workout by doing a dance based on the natural movements of The Female Body,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy talking explicitly about sex as an enjoyable, sensual experience in enjoyable, sensual (as opposed to, say, clinical or overtly political) ways,
If you don't feel comfortable or empowered or happy having one-night-stands and/or multiple long-term relationships or a mixture of the two...
...Then don't bother with them.
But, kindly fucking thank you, DON'T tell me that I'm sucking the patriarchy's metaphorical cock just because I *do* feel comfortable, empowered and happy strutting in heels, sashaying in dresses, playing with makeup (or piercings, or henna, or tattoos), doing Belly Dance, Indian Temple Dance or Pole Dance, writing/painting/filming/acting!in porn, and being polyamourous.
<*fist-flailing of doom*>
And that's my rant on *that* subject.
More rants to follow! Woohoo! :-D
[1] No, really. Watch any horror movie. Or attend to stupid tropes like "she shouldn't have gotten into the car". Jaknow?
[2] I'm surprised some of them were able to get into the bar. Seriously. They are *babies*. It boggles the mind. (When did I get old???)
[3] Cosmo? Anyone? Anyone?
