![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Um.
I didn't get the job.
I mean, I'm fine. Nothing's changed, and I no-longer need to worry about juggling RHO, modeling, and VERSeFest (the latter of which is volunteer, mind you) committments with another, much-larger-time-committment job. But...
DAMMIT! :-(
A little part of me kind of wants to cry.
I actually wanted that job. It wasn't just some stop-gap until I could afford (ecconomically, I mean) to go back to Normal Life again.
I guess I'm kind of mourning the might-have-been, y'know? The extra $1200 or so per month would have opened up SO MANY doors in terms of housing and savings, and we don't get to have that now (or, more accurately, we don't get to have that yet). It would have meant some wiggle room in terms of what we could afford to rent - an extra $400/month would give us a (cheap) rental house - the kind with three bedrooms, a laundry machine, a garden-able yard and maybe even a garrage for Ghost's tools and canoes and such. And that would still have meant $700+ after taxes that I could put into savings (read: towards a down-payment on a house we'd OWN). It would have made SUCH a difference!
I admit, I was kind of counting on it. :-(
Not in a particularly heavy "spending money I don't have" way[1] but... Oh, I hoped. I hoped so much. And I wasn't enough.
Eugh.
I feel so awful saying that. Both in the sense of "over-dramatic" and in the sense of "actually heart-broken". Even though I know I was a good candidate. Even though I know it was because someone else was more qualified (broader network of contacts, and a LOT more fundraising experience) than I was, not because I wasn't Good Enough. When they called to tell me I hadn't made it in, they said I was one of six people who go interviewed at all. Out of more than a hundred.
That's not much of a consolation prize when what I've missed out on is something that basically translated into Security and A Future through ethical and joy-inducing means. But... It's something. Worth remembering, anyway.
Eugh.
Anyway. Maybe the job'll come up again in another three-to-five years, and I'll have a lot more finance-related stuff under my belt to get it this time. Or maybe I'll have found something else in a similar (or not?) vein that provides the same kind of security and opportunities, and we'll have a house on the go and a garden to grow our own produce and everything already.
Here's hoping.
TTFN,
Amazon.
[1] Although I did get us yoga classes, and I did re-stock (ish) the "wine cellar" to the tune of about 8 bottles of wine + 2 bottles of sortilege (and 1 of their cream version) and a few other odds and sods, and the combination of those things probably works out to about $600-$650 worth of goods and activities
I didn't get the job.
I mean, I'm fine. Nothing's changed, and I no-longer need to worry about juggling RHO, modeling, and VERSeFest (the latter of which is volunteer, mind you) committments with another, much-larger-time-committment job. But...
DAMMIT! :-(
A little part of me kind of wants to cry.
I actually wanted that job. It wasn't just some stop-gap until I could afford (ecconomically, I mean) to go back to Normal Life again.
I guess I'm kind of mourning the might-have-been, y'know? The extra $1200 or so per month would have opened up SO MANY doors in terms of housing and savings, and we don't get to have that now (or, more accurately, we don't get to have that yet). It would have meant some wiggle room in terms of what we could afford to rent - an extra $400/month would give us a (cheap) rental house - the kind with three bedrooms, a laundry machine, a garden-able yard and maybe even a garrage for Ghost's tools and canoes and such. And that would still have meant $700+ after taxes that I could put into savings (read: towards a down-payment on a house we'd OWN). It would have made SUCH a difference!
I admit, I was kind of counting on it. :-(
Not in a particularly heavy "spending money I don't have" way[1] but... Oh, I hoped. I hoped so much. And I wasn't enough.
Eugh.
I feel so awful saying that. Both in the sense of "over-dramatic" and in the sense of "actually heart-broken". Even though I know I was a good candidate. Even though I know it was because someone else was more qualified (broader network of contacts, and a LOT more fundraising experience) than I was, not because I wasn't Good Enough. When they called to tell me I hadn't made it in, they said I was one of six people who go interviewed at all. Out of more than a hundred.
That's not much of a consolation prize when what I've missed out on is something that basically translated into Security and A Future through ethical and joy-inducing means. But... It's something. Worth remembering, anyway.
Eugh.
Anyway. Maybe the job'll come up again in another three-to-five years, and I'll have a lot more finance-related stuff under my belt to get it this time. Or maybe I'll have found something else in a similar (or not?) vein that provides the same kind of security and opportunities, and we'll have a house on the go and a garden to grow our own produce and everything already.
Here's hoping.
TTFN,
Amazon.
[1] Although I did get us yoga classes, and I did re-stock (ish) the "wine cellar" to the tune of about 8 bottles of wine + 2 bottles of sortilege (and 1 of their cream version) and a few other odds and sods, and the combination of those things probably works out to about $600-$650 worth of goods and activities
Tags:
